The Logical Bible: Genesis, Chapter 2

I find myself completely dumbfounded by the contradictions between chapter 1 and chapter 2 in the Holy Bible. In order to prevent similar contradictions, I am required to restore the chronological order of the story in the Logical Bible.

LOGICAL BIBLE
Genesis Chapter 2:

AFTER Physics created the Universe and the Earth, and AFTER shrubs of the field had appeared on the earth and many plants of the field had sprung up, for evaporation and condensation had sent rain on the earth and streams flowed throughout many lands-- mutations and natural selection of the parents formed the first humans from early hominids, and they inhaled into their nostrils oxygenated air and were, as such, living beings.

Now, the early humans planted a garden and there they put themselves. And from the garden, Physics made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground-- trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden was the potential for free thought.

A river flowed near the garden and was formed by other rivers, each with a name resembling a primitive grunt and/or gesture. The (grunt) river winds through the entire land of (grunt-grr). The (grr-grunt) river winds through the entire land of (hard grunt). The name of another river is (soft grunt); it runs along the east side of (loud grunt).

The humans were intelligent enough to put themselves in the garden and to work it and take care of it. The early (and later) humans were stubborn and frightened by free thinkers.

The humans were probably promiscuous, and as such, were seldom alone. Females were born from other hominids.

Now humans learned to domesticate all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. The humans brought them and named them; and whatever humans called each living creature, that was its name. So humans gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beast of the field.

Humans were hormonally and physically driven to have sex, thereby the sperm of the man fertilized the egg of the woman and from that created:

“The DNA of their DNA
and the traits of their traits;
(if it is a girl) she shall be called woman,
for male dominate societies didn't want to feel insecure”

For this reason, the trait-favored males and females will leave their fathers and mothers and have sex.
The men and women were naked, and they were cold.